New Moon leaving Edwards point of veiw
by SilentShadow231
Summary: This is what happened in Edwards point of view when he left Bella in new moon. This tells the way Edward was during the abcence in Forks. His depresion, his sadness and his suicide attempt when he was told he Bella jumped off the cliff.
1. Chapter 1

"Bella, I don't want you to come." My voice was calm and controlled but I knew that it was releasing and emotion that Bella could hear. She was so perceptive, Beautiful, fragile and smelled so sweetly of flowers that teased my nose.

Bella looked Taken aback or rejected and I thought I could hear her heart Breaking. Her once deep hazel brown eyes became shallow and distant as she looked at me, pain strung out on her face.

"You…don't want me?" Her voice was edgy, shaky and crack and I knew this was the only way. After what had happened at her birthday I knew I couldn't let this go on any further. I loved her too much to see her die and yet I loved her too much to let her. And though it killed me to say the one word that would free her I dreaded it and was reluctant.

"No." She seemed to except it but at the same time her heartbeat sped and slowed in one simultaneous moment. I was killing her but she would feel better after a while. Humans memories were not as good as my kinds and while I may still remember her for forever, there was a glimmer of hope she wouldn't remember me down the road, and as long as that glimmer of a chance lingered in my grasps I was going to take it.

"Oh, well…that changes things." Another moment and I was sure I would take back my words and hold her in my arms again to comfort her from the words I had said. It had to be a clean brake. I didn't want her to have to hurt because of me anymore.

I was ready to go but I wanted to say something to her. I wanted to say, "be safe" but I didn't want it to sound too much like I wanted it even though I did. Even if we were not together, we always would be. And if she ever was hurt or….I couldn't summon the thought.

"Bella, Be safe, for Charlie. He needs you." It sounded like something any normal person would ask but she wanted it to be more. I had to leave now and, without a second thought I ran.

"Edward…wait!" Her voice called after me. I wanted to turn back but knew I shouldn't. I felt horrible now. I knew she had fallen but I didn't turn back, instead I sat at the edge of the woods and sat against a tree.

I loved her so much. I was beginning to realize now what love could do to a person (so to speak in my case). It made you feel like you have something so important and so beautiful that you need to take care of and it drives you to do crazy things. It makes you feel so much for the other person, so much so you are willing to leave them…willing to die if they were ever gone.

I stayed there at the edge of the woods, waiting to hear that someone had found her when the team came through. They called her name endlessly and it was torture. I was wondering if they would ever find her until I tuned into the thoughts of one of the searchers. It was Sam; he had her in his site. I wasn't satisfied until he bellowed his discovery and reluctantly, I lifted myself to my feet and ran.( I had already taken my car back to the house.) I wasn't sure where I would go but I ran.


	2. Chapter 2

As I ran, I knew I never could stay with my family. I didn't want to be around anyone. Couldn't be around anyone. I had to run and keep running. I would stop when I knew no one was around and then…that's just it. I didn't know what I would do. Life seemed so meaningless.

The pain that was in her eyes would haunt me forever and I knew I would never be the same. I wanted the best for her. The way Jasper had reacted was as I had said, it was expected. Had it not happened sooner it would have happened later.

Alice, my sister, had begged to stay in Forks but Jasper had already left. Knowing that she would fallow him wherever he went. Poor Alice was broken. I made her promise though. She had to promise to not look for Bella's future. Ever.

Even now, as I stopped in a cave close to Arizona, I knew I had to stay here. For the urge to turn back and apologize for all the cruel words I had said to her. All the lies I had said to her.

The picture of her came floating into my mind again. This time it was worse. I had not felt pain in so long but somehow, the pain flew from her eyes and into me and my heart began to ace. Though there was no heartbeat. Though there was no way it could happen, It felt like my heart had stopped again. Or was torn from my chest.

It was saddening to think that I had done this much damage to the women I loved dearly but I knew it was for the best. But for who? Was it best for me or was it best for her. Or, was it not even the best, for both of us. Had this been the wrong choice?

The questions and guilt flew around together in my head until I thought that I would die from the sure amount of information flying through my head. That my head couldn't possibly hold this much more thoughts without exploding.

Though, it wasn't my head that exploded. It was my heart, braking into a million tinny fragments and piercing my chest. I fell to my knees in more pain then I had ever felt in my life. How cold she have caused all this? It couldn't have been me who had done this but…it had. As much as I didn't want to admit it was my fault, it was.

I was the one who had decided that I would leave, that I would save her the pain when in fact I had actually only added to it. I knew how miserable she was before, how her life seemed to be in a black whole. But, I saved her from it. And now, what was I doing? I was throwing her back into it, farther and farther out of reach.

Maybe…maybe I would go back. Maybe I would beg for her forgiveness and repeat how stupid I was to have run from her. The one I truly loved…the one I couldn't live without…the one I wanted to spend all eternity with but not damn her to the same life I led. She was and still was my sol mate. And no matter if I fond someone-though that was terribly unlikely-she would never be like her. Like Isabella mare Swan, the women of my dreams.


End file.
